“In Ecstasy, I Call Your Name So I Won’t Forget is a visual archive of Black women in pin-up. This project came by way of my sexual reawakening in 2019. While most would describe their sexual epiphanies as having sex for the first time or discovering one's preferences, mine was one rooted in the idea of performance, feeling as though I had to perform the concept of pleasure, to make up for the shameful feelings I had in regards to my own sexual being. I realized this compulsion was one fed by mass produced pornography, and the erotic scenes I consumed at the initial awakening of my sexuality. I desired to find out what true ‘pleasure’ felt like and what it looked like for myself.

During this time, I began researching the history of Black women, performance, and the erotic. Initially, out of curiosity, but also as a source of inspiration while I embarked on this journey. Peering deeper down the rabbit hole of Black pin-up and burlesque, I purchased the first negative in my collection.

A black and white portrait of a Black woman, her hair pressed into a sleek bowl cut, her body nude. She is seated, her face tucked in shadows - turned away from the camera. Her body illuminated, she is curled over softly into the shape of a crescent. She was exposed, distant, stuck within her own mind; Stunning, and this portrait centered that. I saw myself and I saw the essence of my nature in this image of her.

The creation of this archive has been cathartic, my collection continues to grow, but finding out information on the role of Black women in pin-up has been difficult, primarily due to silence from those who were once participants. One can assume their silence was motivated by shame, as pin-up at the time was considered obscene.

Sitting with these photographs has required me to read between the lines, and ask questions.

Who were you? Did you feel beautiful?

Did you feel shame, as I do?

How can I honor you, when I know nothing of you?

And lastly, Although I know nothing of you, how is it I see myself in you?”

— Kennedi Carter